I have a son with Aspergers....

[ljay]

So if anyone would like any help I am open to questions....

[jenny]

Help! I also have a son with Asperger's, he's 19yrs old and currently at uni studying Computer Programming. The problem is he doesn't communicate too good, he avoids talking to people, sort of a fear I think of saying the wrong thing. I am only guessing as he doesnt talk too good to me either, all I know is he won't get a summer job cause of the fear of having to talk to someone at an interview. He hasn't sorted his accommodation out for September, again because he would have to talk to someone. To cut a long story short I have to sort everything out for him cause he just can't do it himself. Everyone at uni has sorted their digs out for September with their mates but my son is on his own with no mates to share digs with. He's a loner because he doesn't fit in with what the other lads like to do, he doesn't drink or go out etc, his thing is computers and he spends ALL his time on it. Any advice would be gratefully received.

[Gareth Roberts]

Hmm...

I've been on holiday so sorry for the late reply. I'll try to reply tomorrow, as (as usual) it's late now so I'll try to get back to you when I'm more awake. ;-)

I know what you are going through though... it is difficult for people with Aspergers to make friends and go out, etc. It can be done though - so don't loose hope... I'll let you know some more via e-mail soon!

[sarahponari]

hi im sarah im 22 and have aspergers, your son sounds exactly how i am i really cant help you though as my mum does all them sort of things for me and i havent got any advice about it, i just wanted to you to know that your not the only 1 out there, my mum probably feels exactly the same too but she doesnt know what to do about it either

[ljay]

Hi Jenny, The sort of problems your son has is very common with AS people. At Uni he should have some sort of pastoral support to help him sort out these things ie accommodation etc. He may be very able at coping with the academic side of things but he sounds as though he needs a fair amount of imput organising the practical side of everyday living.If he is uncomfortable speaking up about these things the staff need to know so as to put some support program into action for him.He needs to be appointed to a particular member of staff who he is familiar with to negotiate on his behalf. Im sure he has a right to this sort of pastoral support.AS is a social disability and he has a right to help with all aspects of his education and day to day living, though I know in reality once over the age of 16 services and support are hard to get unless there is a major crisis.Not all AS people want friends but if you think he would like to make a friend then he needs support to access a group of other AS young adults with similar interests. Im sorry I cant offer much of a solution to your concerns about him.Help and intervention for our young adults with AS is really dismal. Best wishes Ljay

jenny Wrote:Help! I also have a son with Asperger's, he's 19yrs old and currently at uni studying Computer Programming. The problem is he doesn't communicate too good, he avoids talking to people, sort of a fear I think of saying the wrong thing. I am only guessing as he doesnt talk too good to me either, all I know is he won't get a summer job cause of the fear of having to talk to someone at an interview. He hasn't sorted his accommodation out for September, again because he would have to talk to someone. To cut a long story short I have to sort everything out for him cause he just can't do it himself. Everyone at uni has sorted their digs out for September with their mates but my son is on his own with no mates to share digs with. He's a loner because he doesn't fit in with what the other lads like to do, he doesn't drink or go out etc, his thing is computers and he spends ALL his time on it. Any advice would be gratefully received.

[mandy]

hi i'm new to this so bear with me , my 11 yr old daughter was diagnosed last year with AS it wasn't really a shock i sort of expected it but sometimes in fact all the time i do worry about her as she get's older going to uni or college , but i  feel like iv'e been told what's wrong with her and now left to get on with it , do we muddle along or do you think she would benefit from finding a club which other AS children belong to if one exists, she currently goes to girls brigade with her sister but i alway's find Lily on her own when i go to pick her up she never seems to mind though but i do , just me being protective i guess

[Gareth Roberts]

Hmm, young people with Aspergers will find it difficult to socialise.. you need to ease her into social situations and getting familiar with being around people and joining in! Even though this is difficult I'm sure it's quite possible.

It may be worth helping her our as much as possible to join in and interact with other children? Joning clubs is a great idea! Does she have a friend? or friends? When she's a bit older.. maybe say - why dont you go watch a movie? or why dont you invite your friend over.. and try and relax the situation to make it easier.. overtime I'm sure she will get used to it.

When she's 14ish she'll really be 'wanting' to mix with other young people so start now and build up! :-)

Good luck! Anyone else have ideas?