Girlfriends

[Billy-Jay]

hi i'm 17 and im inlove with this girl i have aspergers and its relli affectin my relation ship iv been wiv her 4 months . this horrible aspergers what ever is making me feel very very insecure and unconfident i dnt feel good enuff for her what it is doin is when thing are all going well an we r doing great an i know i can trust her in my heart an in my head i still get this horrible like thing inside me that keeps sending horrible thoughts an images to my head like me loosing laura or she is cheating ther r a few things that trigger it like lads ringing her or not seeing her for a cople days and her goin out but i no that nothings going to happen an i cnt stop these horrid things going on i feel like im pushing her away an we keep falling out every time i try to expree my self i say the wrong thing ...i have tryed to explain it to her but i cnt its so hard this all makes me feel so bad cus i keep makingn her think its her fault wen it isnt i dont no what to i love her so much im determine to get over these thoughts i try sayin to myself its not true over an over so can anyone please help me it will be ssooooooooooooo apreciated  please

[Gareth Roberts]

I know the feeling.

However, you dont want to appear 'clingy'. The secret is, dont get too attached too young. Just do the natural course.

If love happens, it will happen. I learnt that getting attached makes you worry a lot if they are going to cheat on you, etc. This is lack of trust - and should not happen in a relationship if it was to work.

I know you trust her, but inside something is telling you your not sure. Just take it slow and see how it goes. If she loves you back she will understand.

You have to relalise, like I did.. that no matter what girls will talk to other boys, they may even go cinema, etc with them... it's what they do. Just have to trust her and 'know' inside that she will see you soon. Remember if she is going out with you and loves you she will stick with you. If she doesn't then she isnt worth your time.

I know it's difficult to make sense of relationships. Maybe someone else can help out?

[Roo]

i believe i fall in the same category here..

its getting to the point where my girlfriend is struggling to talk to me about problems she has ( the only problem she ever has .. "ME" ).. and she feels she has to talk to some other boy about them.. its getting me extremely frustrated and angry ... and worried because it looks as though its my fault im pushing her away.

its hard once you fallen into this trap to know how to jump out. ive been drinking my way out of this trap its not healthy nor kind to either of us.

[wootlebug]

Hi,

First off, drinking is not the answer. Not only will you find it harder to make sense of what your girlfriend is saying, she'll think that you don't care about enough to stay sober to hear her out.

You aren't specific about what problems she has with you but I assume it is related to your AS? And the problem is your AS prevents you really understanding what she means?

First off, does she know about your AS? If not tell her. Otherwise she will assume you are being intentionally insensitive. If she already knows, explain that your condition means you struggle to understand her feelings and that it doesn't mean you don't love her. She will have to explain slowly and patiently and you will have to try very hard to understand.

To be honest, I have the same problems as you (and have been signally unsuccessful at overcoming them, but don't let that put you off!) but this is the best way I know of .

[Robdemanc]

Relationships have always been a mystery to me. I don't know how people manage to keep them going. I have had two but when I look back on them I don't see them as being serious. Even though they were. I just don't know what to make of them at all and now I avoid them or try to keep them casual.